DO YOU LOOK FOR ONE WHO DOES NOT WANT TO BE FOUND?
By William for CrossDove Writers
As I get ready to wade through another holiday season of trying my best to see my grandkids and adult kids when the opportunity is available, I stop to think of those who do not even have that opportunity.
One such person is a fellow I know who has been blessed with several grandchildren, all of who love and adore him as their grandpa, but yet he knows of an uneasy emptiness – especially at the holidays.
When we were talking about why he gets the blues when talking about his grandkids he finally offered me up his story.
I would like to share it to see what others think he should do at this point – here is his story.
Going back a couple decades plus, this man began to share about how his oldest child, while still plummeting out of his late teens, found a gal he really liked. He liked her enough that the two of them moved to another city in another state and live together and maybe begin their own lives.
Unfortunately, like so many young loves at that age, the relationship seemed to sour and less than a year later both the kids returned to their hometowns to resettle and restart their lives.
His son acknowledged to him one day that the girlfriend had gotten pregnant along the way, but she swore up and down that the child was not his, and that was the biggest reason for the disintegration of the relationship.
From that talk on, life seemed to move forward and the young man eventually within a couple of years did get married, had a son and then got a divorce.
When I asked my friend about whether or not he pursued the idea that despite what the young lady had said, could the child actually belong to his son and then be his possible grandkid.
As much as he wanted to tell me know, he always had a gut feeling and told me than when that little child (a little girl) as maybe around five, he had run into the mother at a local store and saw the little child in person. His eyes welled up just a bit as he described how the little girls looked a whole like his daughter at that age. He than shook his head and said that at that point he knew he had his first grandchild; one he was not supposed to know about.
Several years later when this child graduated from high school, she came to this man’s son and asked him about the possibility that he was her father.
My friend that mentioned how his son called a family conference (which included my friends’ ex-wife (the son’s mother) and their daughter and son-in-law). At that point the son shared that this child came to him and that they did get a paternity test and bingo – this was his child, his daughter, born a couple years ahead of what my friend has always referred to as his first grandson/grandchild.
While the ex-wife was stunned, my friend immediately hollered out ‘Yes, I knew it, I knew it!’.
Unfortunately, as my friend continued, he described how the young lady told his son that it was all she wanted to know and that was the truth. From that point on she requested to not have any contact with my son or his family, including my friend, the man who is technically her grandfather.
While the ache in the heart is real for my friend, he continues to adhere to that young lady’s request and has not tried to make any contact no matter how much it hurts to do so.
What makes it harder, especially at the holidays, is that that young lady now is married and has a child of her own which in technicality makes my friend a great-grandfather. And though he is aware of all that, he continues to adhere to the wishes of the young lady who several years ago came to his son to verify his being her true father.
Now the question is, should he not listen to the wishes of the young lady and for the sake of a broken heart attempt to make contact with her and the child, or just continue on as if there is no chance of finding her, making contact and having a grandfather/great-grandfather relationship.
As I sat and listened to my friend, I realized that I had no clue as to what I would do if that situation came upon me. With that though in mind all I could seem to do was let my friend ramble on about the predicament and how his mind says to adhere to the no-contact wishes despite his heart aching for that relationship with a true blood relative.
My friend eventually thanked me for letting him ramble without being judgmental, and at that point we went about our days, though while it has been a few months since, as a friend, I sat patiently and listened to him ‘get it off his mind’, it also made me wonder about myself and the big question of – if it was me, what would I do?
But for now, it is not me and for that I am grateful for I am not sure the ache in a heart like that could keep me from doing something that could out to be foolish and even more devastating if you were to make contact and get a complete and total shutdown, slam the face in the door reaction.
For my friend, I may ask of those who take the time to read my own ramblings – what do you think my friend should do, or what do you think you would do?
With that – hugs, prayers, blessings and happy thoughts from Grumpy Gramps.
(Copyright@2019, CrossDove Writers – no part of this posting may be printed, copied or used without written permission by CrossDove Writers and Grumpy Gramps.)