FEARS

By William of CrossDove Writers

Do you have any fears? So many folks would be quick to answer yes, but then might not be so willing to talk about them.

The definition of ‘fears’ according to freedictionary.com has four expressive pieces to the puzzle of ‘fears’:

  1. To be afraid or frightened of – ‘a boy who fears spiders.’
  2. To be uneasy or apprehensive about – ‘we all feared what we would see when the grades were posted’.
  3. To consider probable or expect – ‘I fear you are wrong, or I fear I have bad news for you’.
  4. To revere or be in awe of – an example would be a deity.

We all have fears of something or someone, and so many of us never truly deal with those fears or for some, never even deal with them at all.

In my lifetime up this point, I have had three areas for which many have said I was pretty good at what I was doing – yet in each and every one of those areas, I constantly felt fear.

I was once told that I was pretty good working in the food service industry, and I will admit it is something for which I constantly find myself missing as strange as that my sound to many.

The food service industry will never seem to be the most popular route to take for a career, but yet, it can be so rewarding even with the fears that come with it.

What is the biggest fear of the food service industry? It may be whether-or-not you can make enough money to keep your family or lifestyle afloat, because in all honesty – if you like the food business, you most likely will not get rich financially.

Beyond the pay factor, the food industry (especially when you get into management) can eat you alive with the hours it may require.

I know these fears of the money I would make and/or the time I would still have with my family were true fears of mine even though I loved the work.

As much as I loved prepping and making the food, serving the customers, working with the staff (especially the high school and college age kids) and feeling good about a good days work – the money and time consumption put me in a position where I had to walk away, not once but a few times.

Being a parent is something which troubled me for many years, despite being told repeatedly that I was doing a great job. I constantly had the fear that it was just not enough to be a parent the way I was trying to be. But then again, the positive strokes many times ignited my fear of success as well.

I remember going through a parenting program during the period I was dealing with the process of divorcing my first wife. While having a chat with my pastor/mentor, the lady leading the parenting program came into the office and pronounced that I seemed to have the best parenting instincts she had ever witnessed. While my pastor/mentor rejoiced and agreed with that statement – I sat there bubbling with fear that I couldn’t possible be that good or successful as a parent.

I was constantly in fear of failure as a parent, but yet I carried on and battled my way through it. Now I get to deal with those fears of not being loving enough as a grandfather to my nine or maybe ten delightful grandkids.

The most touching fear I face on nearly a daily basis though, is those fears that come from my writing.

Over, and over again I am told that people love my writing and that I have such a gift for words, yet here I am muddling along working with a few blogs and an occasional write for one of the area newspapers. What about those poems, short stories and mid-length novels I have written or may be in the process of writing? Surprised I just mentioned them for the fear I have of rejections and even more so, will my next write be as good as my last.

The fear of success and rejection rolled into one is the biggest fear I battle with daily (and maybe my health issues – but that is another tale along the way) and have been for several years.

Now I must admit, in response to what I just wrote – I will say that the past couple of years I have taken my writing more seriously and have stuck my head out there more than I have in the past. Did you know I have even written one short novelette titles “A Bottle, A Genie & Me” while also editing a novel that written by my great-grandfather in the very early 1900’s about a man who got caught up with a pirate and won the heart of a capture. And I even have another book in the works about a fictional town in Kansas that is the most un-perfect, perfect place in the world.

So, I am working hard at those fears of success for my writing, as I have become more confident in what I write and how I write it.

As I end this ramble about fears, I might like to ask those of you who really do take the time to read these writings of mine – ‘what are your biggest fears and how do you deal with them?’.

Many times I question my fears and to counter my fear of rejection or being ignored, I do ask that those who read my blogs are always encouraged to send me an email with a comment, suggestions or critique to writingwithwilldursens@gmail.com.

 

With that – hugs, prayers, blessings and happy thoughts from Grumpy Gramps.

(Copyright@2019, CrossDove Writers – no part of this posting may be printed, copied or used without written permission by CrossDove Writers and Grumpy Gramps.)